Merry Christmas and Updates/Apologies

Merry Christmas to all! I hope you all have had a lovely day and that you continue to have a splendid holiday season:)

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, my laptop finally kicked the bucket shortly after my last post and I haven't really had enough access to another computer to post:( Luckily, my parents gave into my pleas for a new laptop for Christmas and this one will not die anytime soon if I have anything to say about it!

So, recently I finished the 1st half of my junior year! 3 A's, a B and a C! That B used to be a C but I pulled it up, so I'm pretty happy about all that! Also, I finished my show that I was in but sadly at the beginning of my last dance (which I finished!) I sprained the joint in the middle of my left foot where all the bones connect:( Due to this injury I had to miss out on doing my solo dance at a winter arts festival, but I only have a little over a week till I hopefully get out of my immobilizing boot and crutches. Thank God. Something really exciting for me also happened having to do with the show I was in; an article was written about me and my dancing in the online website "InMenlo." That was really exciting and you can click here to read that! *after you've finished reading this post of course;)

As far as my eating/self-image goes, the group therapy I was in just ended a little while ago and it went so well we're starting up again next month. I feel like I learned a lot from it and it wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it'd be. The group focused a lot on what we thought women were/what women should be and how we view ourselves. It also really focused on being mindful and stopping the cycle of stress/self-hate. I learned how to eat and breathe mindfully and how to take steps to try and prevent the end result of stress for me: not eating.

Despite all this I still find myself being very uncomfortable with how I look and now I can't even de-stress by dancing going to the gym to work out due to my injury. I try to keep telling myself I'm fine but I really don't feel it, and as much as I don't want to eat the majority of the time I do. I have found that I've really hated wearing form-fitting clothing and always end up wearing a giant sweatshirt and jeans. The other day I practically had a break down because I wanted to look nice and wear something pretty but I didn't feel comfortable in anything but baggy, drapey clothes.

I suppose this is a journey, just like anything else, hopefully I'll be able to dance and work out again soon and I won't freak out so much.

Happy Holidays<3
Madeline

Sorry.

I'm so terribly sorry for not posting for so long, I've really wanted to but having this blog and having these thoughts I have in the front of my mind all the time cause I'm trying to figure out what I should post about next made everything way worse. I'll just post when I feel I really have something to talk about. '

Love
-Madeline